Self-Regulation verses Willpower

Willpower might get us through a sprint. Self-regulation gets us through the marathon, with a good lunch of course.

Pushing through works - until it doesn’t.

I know this one well. The ‘just keep going’ approach. The quiet pride in endurance. The belief that if I really cared, I’d find a way to make it happen - regardless of how tired, stretched, or depleted I might feel.

I’m not sure if it was my whānau approach (farming background/strong work ethic) or part of that era – probably a bit of both, but mixed with my desire to please, pushing through would take its toll.

And when I felt broken, rare that it was, I was a fragile mess – even if I didn’t show it.

I recall one year-end during my time with the council, I went to the money machine to get some cash. It was only later that I realised I hadn’t actually taken the cash (fortunately, the machine swallowed it). I was burnt out, and this was the wake-up call to get back into balance.

The South Compass teaches that sustainable leadership isn’t about overriding ourselves. It’s about regulating. About learning to work with our energy, not against it. Remembering the importance of saying no when things don’t fit.

Willpower tends to live in the head. It says things like: ‘Come on, just get it done.’ Which doesn’t always align with get it done well – it can be a ‘let’s get this over with’ approach.

Self-regulation lives in the body. It asks: What do I actually have capacity for right now? This difference matters.

When we rely solely on willpower, we often ignore the quieter signals: shallow breathing, irritability, foggy thinking, the sense of pushing uphill. I’m sure you can think of times when you or a work colleague has shown these signs when ‘pushing through.’

Yes, we can keep going, but the cost accumulates. Eventually, something gives. Motivation drops. Creativity can dry up. Resentment often creeps in. (Sometimes disguised as tiredness… or hunger.) And when it gets really full on, it affects our health and wellbeing.

South invites a different approach.

Instead of asking How do I push harder?
It asks What would support me to settle, reset, and respond more wisely?

Self-regulation isn’t about doing less. It’s about doing what’s appropriate for the state you’re in. Sometimes that means resting. Sometimes it means moving your body. Sometimes it means taking a break before you think you need one. And sometimes it simply means eating a darn good lunch. (Underrated leadership move).

I’ve noticed that when I’m regulated, i.e., grounded, fed, and rested enough, decision-making feels easier, cleaner. I’m more patient. Less reactive. More able to listen. Doing becomes less effortful and more responsive.

When I’m not? Everything feels harder than it needs to be. It has also resulted in me making one to many mountains out of mole hills.

South reminds us that our capacity is not infinite. And pretending it is doesn’t make us strong - it makes us disconnected. The frazzled mind running away from me.

This is especially relevant in fast-moving environments, where the pressure to perform, keep up, and stay switched on is constant. Willpower might get us through a sprint. Self-regulation gets us through the marathon.

And perhaps this is the quiet wisdom South offers: leadership doesn’t live in how much we can override ourselves. It lives in how well we can notice, adjust, and care for the system we’re leading from - starting with our own.

Because when we learn to regulate rather than force, we don’t just last longer.

We lead better.

​Further insights: if this is resonating, you might like to check out 'A New Compass: Finding your Inner North' mini-course. There is also a free guide.

#anewcompass #leadinglights